“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” 39 He also told them a parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? 40 A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher. 41 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.
Luke 6:37-42
Tom and Sue have been married for 6 years. It is a second marriage for them both and they both brought three children into their marriage, a blended family. The kids get along pretty well. When they went through a bit of a relational rough patch, Tom decided to step out on Sue and have a one-nighter with another lady. Sue found out. Not good for Tom. They worked their way through that one and a year or so later, Tom did it again with another lady. When Sue found out, she almost left him, but decided it was best for the entire blended family to give it another try.
Sue needs badly to see Tom fixed. Tom is broken in his ability to remain faithful during times of pressure. Sue lays the law down. Do it again, and we are gone, and you will pay! What can Sue do to fix Tom? Clearly, he needs fixing. What can she do to fix him? She could require counseling, not a bad idea. She can monitor him closely, check his phone, and email accounts. Let him know that he is under scrutiny.
Will all of that change Tom? Most likely not. For one thing, the real solution lies in Christ and not in Sue’s efforts to fix her husband. The problem is a heart problem, and only Jesus really knows how to fix hearts. So, should she pray for him? Of course. But that alone is not the secret sauce that fixes relationships.
There is a secret sauce that I have watched work many times over my now long lifetime. The secret sauce that this relationship needs is not only praying for Tom, but Sue also needs to bring her life under God’s microscope and ask him to reveal her sin as well. Sue must focus on Sue and Sue’s sinful heart if she is to see her prayers for Tom answered.
This principle applies to all kinds of relationships, not just marriages. It applies to business partners, close friends, and any relationship that is bound together by some sort of covenantal commitment, a marriage covenant, a business agreement, very close friends who have an unspoken commitment to the friendship, etc.
If I want God to fix the other person, I must first submit myself to God for the Holy Spirit to scrutinize me and open my heart for God to change me. What, in my life, needs to change so that I am manifesting the fruit of the Spirit and behaving more like Jesus? It is a clear Biblical principle that when I want God to change a person with whom I have a relationship, the avenue for a change in the other person is my immediate submission to the Lordship of Jesus in my life for God to change me. This submission opens a channel for the Holy Spirit to engage the other person in a fresh way and bring about change in them. It won’t necessarily happen overnight, but it is a sure avenue to change, the coming of the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven, specifically in this relationship.
Notice in our Scripture above, Jesus begins with don’t judge and don’t condemn but instead forgive. The word translated forgive here can also be translated “release” or “pardon.” I prefer the idea of release. When we hold something against another person, it puts us both in a form of bondage, so the solution is to release them, not judge or condemn them.
The next verse includes “Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.” This passage is frequently taken out of context to mean that if I give money, I will get back lots of money, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over. That idea preaches very well, but it happens not to be faithful to this text. The giving that it speaks of is the release of pardon or forgiveness. What we receive in good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, is release. The release for which we are praying. Release from bondage.
Jesus then goes into the famous “log-in-your-eye” story. The point is that if you see something in someone else that needs fixing, take care of your own “fixin’s” first. Then God will come to your aid and fix the other party.
You are never capable of nor responsible for fixing another person. Only God in Christ can do that. He has provided all that is necessary in the complete and finished work of Christ applied by the Holy Spirit. The beauty of this secret sauce is that when we submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus first and pray for our friend or spouse or business partner, our submission becomes an avenue of entry for the Holy Spirit to apply the finished work of Christ in the life of our partner.
Do you have a broken or strained relationship that you want to be fixed? Pray for the other party in the relationship, but first and continually, submit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the working of the Holy Spirit. He is our counselor commissioned to convict us of sin, righteousness, and judgment and to enable true repentance in us.
Release, pardon, forgive the one whom you believe needs fixing so God is free to work on them as well as you.
